Looking for My Fiancé’s Lover

“Is it because of His Highness Nezar?”

Ugh. Even though I didn’t want to react, at the name I had not heard in ages, I sat up abruptly like I was in a seizure.

“What are you talking about all of a sudden? It doesn’t concern him at all, not a bit.”

“If not, why don’t you want to go? The victory celebration party is the place to meet His Highness and Brother Lockheard again after 5 years.
In particular, you, the fiancée of His Highness the Crown Prince, can never be absent.”

I fell helplessly onto the table again, as if I had never gotten up.
Rick was right.
Since I was the daughter of the Ezellot family and the crown prince’s fiancée, I couldn’t miss the party.
It had only been four days since all of the knights, including Lockherd, who left for the battlefield, returned.
And the victory party would be held for three days and nights starting from the next day’s evening.
I still couldn’t believe it, but it would be our first reunion in five years.

“I’m just too… embarrassed.”

Argh! I rolled over the table, covering my sizzling face.

“They said that 5 years is just enough time for rivers and mountains to change.
What if he forgot about me in the meantime? Nezar is now twenty-four.
I’m sure he wouldn’t be impressed by a kid like me…”

I hadn’t thought about what’s going on between us for a long time.
That’s why I kept looking for a lover for him, but just imagining that he would treat me like a child who never existed (meaning he forgot about her existence) made my heart throb.
I thought everything would still be okay after 5 years, but was it because the day we met face-to-face was just a day away? My heart was pounding wild and I was breaking out in a cold sweat.

“Haaah…”

A deep sigh came from above my head.

“It looks like you need to improve your wits, Kate.
If you live like that, the mentality of the people around you will be heavily affected.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Same goes for Caron Entera… If you’re going to get close to someone, make sure it’s someone normal.
Don’t just hang out with people who are different on the outside and inside.”

“Do you know how pure and kind Caron is?! Caron will bow and say sorry to me just because I stumbled on her foot while we’re walking and fell on my own!”

“Yes, yes, keep that in mind for the rest of your life.
In a way, I think that might be better.”

Rick was much smarter and wiser than me, who had lived two lives.
At this point, it seemed more accurate to say that I was stupid rather than Rick’s smart, but I wasn’t interested in living a wise second life in the first place.

The Ezelot family was one of the most prestigious nobles in the Empire.
As time went on, I became more conscious of it, but I, who was born into this prideful family, did not have to do anything.
Just as it had always been, I could do whatever I wanted and live however I pleased.
Though life was a bit boring just breathing and eating cakes.

“You’re ignoring me because I’m stupid, right?”

“I’m surprised.
I didn’t expect you to know that.”

He spoke calmly, and I didn’t feel offended or anything either.
Instead, the dresses hanging in my closet came to mind one by one.

My debutante was already held two years ago.
However, I was wobbling so much because of my heels that I couldn’t remember who I met and what we talked about.
And after the debutante, I only attended five or six small tea parties with Caron.
In other words, the victory celebration party was the second grand party in my entire life.

“Argh, I can’t! I’m so nervous that I’ll get a cramp in my neck if I sit still.
I should beg mother to go out and buy me a new dress and necklace.”

I quickly got up and ran out of Rick’s office.

The night before, I couldn’t sleep properly, tossing and turning all night. Will my skin be okay? Surely my face won’t be dry tomorrow, right? For some reason, it felt like black circles were forming under my eyes.

I should go to bed as soon as the sun goes down.
I headed to my mother’s room, clutching my chest tight, where my heart was still beating wildly.

 

In the end, I still tossed and turned without a wink of sleep on the night before the victory celebration party.
The feeling of watching the sun rising through the window with both eyes wide open was very strange and bitter.

I’m ruined.
I will meet Nezar with dark eyes and dull skin.
How embarrassing it must feel to have such an ugly girl as his fiancée.

“Ugh! Stop blaming yourself and hold your head up high, my lady.
Are the other noble ladies even pretty enough to compete against you?”

“What do you mean pretty, Daisy? Look in the mirror yourself!”

I stretched my arm and pointed toward the mirror on the dressing table in front of me.
Reflected on it was a dull-looking girl sitting with her shoulders drooping with a gloomy look on her face.

“This is the face resulted from staying up all night from nervousness, no matter who sees it… I’m sure Lockherd will laugh at me.
And aren’t I just lucky if it’s just Lockherd? Everyone else will also be snickering at my appearance.”

“Who dares to laugh in front of His Highness Nezar’s fiancée? They must have a lot of guts to do so.”

“They don’t have to laugh in front of me to ridicule me.
I can feel everything even if I don’t have eyes on the back of my head.
What if I can’t control my anger and end up punching them?”

Daisy shook her head at my dejected voice and took a comb into her hand.

“You are worried for nothing.
The young lady is just running away from reality because you are anxious at the thought of meeting His Highness Nezar.”

“…Is it that obvious? How come everyone knows?”

As soon as Rick and my mother saw my face, all they talked about was Nezar.
Well, I had been chasing after him for several years, and now we met face to face again after 5 long years apart, so probably anyone could have guessed.

“Even from before, the young lady has never been able to truly know your own heart.
But don’t worry, and just accept this folding fan from the countess for now.”

With that, Daisy pulled out a little fan from the drawer.
Each of the patterns on the front of the light blue folding fan made of ivory was delicately engraved.

I raised the fan with my eyes widened from surprise at the unexpected gift from my mother.
It unfolded smoothly like an object that had been used for years without a single sense of stiffness.

“If you find it difficult to hide your expression, lift this fan and cover your mouth.
The Madame said that this fan is a very valuable item imported from the East, very suitable for showing off.”

“But I haven’t learned to use a fan yet.”

To be precise, I had never been interested.
It seemed like I had learned it in liberal arts class, but it didn’t stay in my memory for long.

“Remember, you should only cover your mouth with more than half open.
It’s okay in front of the ladies, but never flap your fan in front of young noblemen, especially married men.
When you don’t know what to do, just hold it in your left hand.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you have a fiancé.”

In the social world, the use of a fan by an aristocratic woman had many meanings.
Generally, it was used to lead secret conversations between men and women, but at grand gatherings such as victory banquets, people tend to not be very conscious of how to hold and use the fan.

“But what is the point of having a fan pretty? I couldn’t find a single dress to wear.
Now I feel like my confidence just further plummeted.”

I was clueless.
The victory celebration party was not only reserved for the nobility, but was a festival enjoyed by people from all walks of life.
Thus, even if I were to visit the most popular boutique in town, there would be no dress available for me because the reservations were already packed.

This was all because I had no experience attending parties.
When my mother told me that she was leaving for the island a month prior, I should have followed her despite the hassle.
As if the sight of me not budging at all was like a thorn in the eye, my mother left her order excluding my dress.

What’s the point of regretting such a thing on a day like today anyway? Even my mother was cold-hearted to her only daughter.
I wish she had just kicked my ass and dragged me along!

“Ta-da! Since she knew the lady will be depressed, the Countess has already prepared a dress for you! The Madame really has good eyes.
Though she’s busy, she still brought you such a beautiful dress!”

Light blue laces fluttered over the mirror.
A waist-tight, off-shoulder, with richly layered lace from the pelvis.
Just a moment ago I wondered what Daisy had in her arms wrapped in black cloth, turned out, it was the dress.

“You say my mother prepared this? Really?”

“Yes!”

Daisy answered excitedly as she gave me the dress.
I held the dress she handed me in my arms with ecstasy.
How could it be so soft to the touch!

Mother, I love you. I thought it was just perfect.
Along with my fervently burning confidence, the will to confront anything ahead of me arose.